


Darkness and Hope

by Cuthwyn



Series: Jay/Roy Week 2016 [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blind Character, Codependency, Family Fluff, M/M, Robin coping mechanisms, coming to terms with things via English literature
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:37:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8481112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: One moment can change your life. You've just got to keep moving.Jason Todd knew that more than anyone.Now ... he had someone to move through life together with.One stupid decision and Jason's life as he's known it is over.Thrust into darkness.Jason has got to relearn how to live, again. Trust his loved ones. Fight.The only other choice is giving up and Jason Todd never gives up.Jay/RoyWeek: Day 4: Moving Together





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, okay I'm an awful person.
> 
> This is a multi chapter and I know it's meant to be a one shot but I got this idea and it won't let me go.
> 
> The words 'moving together' just gave me this beautiful imagery I'll describe later and this wouldn't not get written.  
> Sorry!!
> 
> For those who want to know?  
> This is the song playing in the car. I admit this was playing at work and this idea was born so I added it in.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy.
> 
> https://youtu.be/QhWTREgDAxc

One, single event can change a life. One moment can tip the scales and throw everything upside down, can destroy every hope and dream that ever existed. Jason Todd knew that more than anyone.  
He also knew that you couldn't let that one, single event dictate the rest of your life.  
Jason could have given up.   
Right now he could be rotting in a cell in Arkham, letting his demons run rampant inside his head.  
Instead, Jason ran. Jason ran and found a new life, what he tentatively considered a new hope.  
One, single event doesn't mean the end. You just have to keep moving.  
Sometimes, that also meant physically.  
Like tonight.

Roy and Jason's current safe house had been compromised. Some rookie cop with points to gain, had discovered where the Red Hood and Arsenal were holed up, and decided that it was a good idea to take action.  
Ever since absconding, Jason had discovered that the law left him well enough alone, if he presented as relatively stable and didn't cause too much trouble for them. Then though, there was a brown nosing rookie in every precinct, but at least their colleagues were bent enough to tip the vigilantes off of the planned dawn raid.  
Throwing the last of the duffle bags into the trunk of the car, Roy slid into the passenger seat and shot his partner a concerned look.  
'You sure you're alright to drive Jaybird?'   
Jason blinked back a wave of tiredness and forced a smile as he started up the engine. He daren't sleep in the car. Sure, he didn't let his past control him anymore but that didn't mean it didn't haunt him. The last time he had nodded off in the car, Jason had had a nightmare. Let's just say, thrashing about in a car completely disoriented and terrified, did not end well for either him, Roy or the car he nearly totalled.  
Pulling out into the evening traffic, Jason turned on the radio and nodded.  
'I'm fine, Harper. Next stop New York yeah? Lian's gonna love New York.'  
He may have not have slept for nearly 48 hours due to avoiding said nightmares but he was pretty certain he could drive a few, little, hours. It was fine.

A few miles later Jason, started to feel a little drowsy.  
'You wanna switch Jay?' Roy spoke up, shooting a glance at Jason who just shook his head and turned the heating down. 'You sure? The roads are icy.'  
'I know the roads are icy Harper. I can see you know?'  
Gritting his teeth, Roy sat back in the passenger seat and lit up a cigarette without another word.  
Jason joined him and the pair spent the majority of the time in light conversation, occasionally falling silent when Roy napped on and off.  
That's when Jason found staying awake the hardest. When there was no distractions and Roy's steady breathing tried to lull him down into sleep too.  
Giving himself a rough shake, Jason rolled down the window and turned up the radio. The sharp icy breeze hit his cheek but sadly the radio was currently holding a 'mellow hour,' but it would do.  
Humming along to a song he vaguely recognised, Jason blinked and glanced over at Roy who had woken up again and was singing along. That was right, this was a song Roy liked to listen to.  
'How we gonna move together? Just come closer. If we don't move together, come closer.  
How we gonna breathe? How we gonna be together? Just keeping the peace between the sheets'

Smiling softly, Jason glanced across at Roy who looked the picture of serenity, sat back and singing along with a lazy smile.  
He loved him and if Jason was honest with himself? He loved him in return.  
Life was about keeping moving but right now? He couldn't believe that he had struck lucky. He didn't have to move through life alone anymore, he had someone and they moved together.   
They had a kid. They were a family.  
And that? That was pretty cool.  
Lost in his thoughts, Jason just kept on driving.  
Roy's hand had reached over to rest on his thigh, his thumb slowly stoking as he sang.  
Life couldn't get better than this.  
Jason's eyes grew heavy.  
Roy's voice dragging him down into darkness.  
'How we gonna move together? Just come closer, If we don't move together, come closer.  
How we gonna breathe? How we gonna be together? Just keeping the peace between the sheets.'

Crap had he fallen asleep?  
Frowning Jason blinked, at least he was pretty sure he was blinking, but he was in darkness.  
He couldn't breathe.  
Swallowing, he shakily lifted a hand to find padded satin and a wooden backing.  
No. No please not again!  
'Roy!'  
No, no this wasn't happening. He was with Roy now.  
Fingers ripped at the fabric, scraping against the wooden beneath it.   
He couldn't breathe.  
Blood began to run down from his finger tips and drip onto his hand, staining the white satin.  
Lifting a leg he tried to kick through the coffin lid.  
'RRRRROOYYYY!!'  
No.  
This can't be happening.  
Roy wouldn't leave him alone in the darkness.

 

Jason had fallen asleep at the wheel.  
The car had hurtled off the freeway straight into a tree.  
Roy could remember that, frantically trying to reach for the steering wheel but reacting too slow.  
The rest was patchy and more flashes than anything else, like remembering his old life before his recovery.  
He woke up stuck in the car.  
His arm hurt.  
Jason was flopped over the steering wheel.  
The windscreen was smashed and his head was coated in blood.  
Jason didn't respond when Roy screamed his name.   
Blue lights flashed around him.  
Darkness.

Roy woke up lying in a bed.  
Bodies and faces swimming in and out of focus.  
He recognised scrubs, a hand coming towards him with a needle.  
'No drugs. I'm an addict! No. No please not again!'   
He heard his voice slurring out.  
The needle pierced his skin.  
Darkness.

Roy woke up still lying in a hospital bed.  
The sea of bodies and faces had gone and instead a hushed quiet had settled around him.  
He moved to brush a hand across the pale pink blankets before realising that his hand was in plaster.   
A nurse was standing by his bedside.  
'Mr Harper? Hello there, my names Becky.'  
'Drugs? Did you? My arm?'   
Roy forced out over a thick, heavy tongue, glancing down at his plastered arm that oddly didn't hurt him.  
The doctor looked sympathetic, and she patted his good hand softly. There was a drip sticking out of it.  
'We gave you something to calm you. After the general anaesthetic you became very distressed. I'm sorry, but due to your condition, we had to give you morphine.'  
Roy knew he should feel upset and angry at this but somehow he seemed cut off, disconnected from his emotions somehow, drugs. That was it.   
The doctor went on to the explain his injuries, said something about surgery and asked what had happened.   
Roy answered the questions the best he could.   
Inside he was aching. He didn't want drugs.  
He'd done so well and now it was all over.  
He knew he should feel upset but he couldn't.  
'Ssh. That's it Mr Harper. Rest for a while. I shall come back later.'  
Roy didn't want her to come back.  
He wanted his family.  
He wanted Lian and Jason.  
Darkness.

Roy woke up.  
His arm hurt and his head was foggy and aching. His abdomen was agony.  
Roy smiled.   
He wasn't drugged anymore.  
Without the barrier, his emotions hit him like a freight train.   
Anger, fear and despair. Especially fear.  
Images of Jason's bloody body, flung over the steering wheel covered in glass, sprung to the forefront of his mind.  
Roy screamed.  
This time the doctor didn't come near him with the needle, but Roy didn't miss the nurse hovering nearby with the familiar plastic dish he knew contained it.  
'Mr Harper! Roy, you need to calm down!' The doctor spoke calmly but firmly, glancing over to the nurse not holding the needle. 'Get psych down here! Now!'  
'Not the needle!' Roy screeched, bucking up to try and get away. Something, tore in his abdomen and it hurt, a lot but he didn't care.  
'Mr Harper, I need you to calm down.'  
His limbs were pressed down to the bed by another troupe of medical staff and Roy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to fight through the fog in his head to come up with words. Words to express why he was so distressed.  
'Dead? Ja- my partner? Lian?'

The doctor frowned for a moment before shaking her head, relief flashing across her features.  
'Your partner? Has no one told you? He's alive, Roy. Don't worry he's in safe hands.'  
The maelstrom of emotions dissipated and the hushed silence returned. The weight keeping him down lifted.  
Dragging in a deep lung full of air, Roy leant back against the pillows and nodded slowly. The motion hurt his head but he didn't care.  
'C-can, I need to see him.'  
'I promise you Mr Harper, your partner is being well looked after. We need to look after you.'  
No amount of words could convince Roy that Jason was alive. Words could lie he needed to see him, but the doctor was having none of it.   
So he tried to get up and go himself, but that had only ended with being promised drugs if he tried that again.  
They thought him mad but he wasn't, he just needed to see Jason.  
He wanted his family back.   
Who would pick Lian up from Ollie?  
Darkness.

Roy woke up to find another doctor sat by his bed.  
A psychiatrist. He knew that before he even opened his mouth.  
Roy did everything he was asked, each time pleading with the man. Begging him to let him see Jason. Asking after Lian, did she know he was here?  
The psychiatrist capped his pen and smiled before patting his hand and leaving, drawing the privacy curtain back around him when he left.  
For some reason medical professionals seemed to think the thin paper curtains were some magical sound proof wall.  
Wincing, Roy sat himself up and listened.

The psychiatrist was talking with the other doctor who'd been looking after him.  
'He's just anxious and scared. A quite reasonable reaction given what Roy had been through. I trust you to abide by his wishes and cease any more IM's of Lorazepam.'  
'But what else can we do when he becomes agitated? Are you sure he wouldn't be better suited upstairs?'  
'No. Just give him what he wants. To see his partner and daughter? I see no harm in allowing it. Surly you do not need an MD is Psychiatry to see that he is worrying himself sick over his partner's well being?'  
'We've told him-'  
'With all due respect? Sometimes one needs more than just words. Bleep me if there are any changes.'  
'Doctor Singh? Do you think he understands his condition?'  
There was a pause.  
'Until he sees his partner? I believe he has little comprehension of anything.'  
Lying back down, Roy huffed a sigh of relief. The psychiatrist was on his side, well thank fuck for that. Hopefully he would at least get to see Jason soon, maybe even Lian too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy's first day in hospital.  
> Roy gets a gold star for participating.  
> Not that Roy cares, Roy just wants Jason to wake up, and to go home to Lian.  
> Nothing else matters, right?

Jason had been moved to HDU from ICU.  
The knowledge didn't make Roy a happy chappie. The doctor had made out that Jason was obviously hurt but okay. Intensive care was not okay in Roy's eyes and he felt like he'd been duped.  
From what Roy could deduce from the short wheelchair ride he'd endured, Jason was in a room a couple of doors down from where his bay was. Jason had his own room which made Roy smile. Jason wouldn't like to be stuck in a bed with five other neighbours like Roy was.  
Jason was unconscious, induced coma Roy had been told. Machines beeped and clicked, keeping him alive.  
Tears brimmed in Roy's eyes when he was wheeled closer and the staff left, saying they would return when he wanted to go back. Roy didn't want to go back to his bed, he was staying with Jason.

Time passed, Roy was sure of it, but he had little understanding as to how much or even what day it was. He knew he should be worried about that but he didn't care.  
All he wanted to know was his Jaybird's prognosis.  
Lifting Jason's hand to his lips, Roy kissed his knuckles softly and sobbed. The last thing he remembered was Jason under glass, blood everywhere, unresponsive.  
Now the glass and blood had been replaced by sutures and bandages, but when Roy called his name, Jason remained as still as ever.  
It was as if he were dead.  
'Jaybird? I know you can hear me you stubborn ass. I listened in science ya know? So you listen and you listen good. You fight this ya hear? You fight, fight don't you fucking give up on me now.' Lifting his head, Roy studied Jason's face but there wasn't so much as a twitch, and Roy's heart shattered.  
He couldn't breathe.  
He didn't know what to do.  
This was terrifying and he was all alone having to deal with it. The darkest part of him was grateful that he'd been dosed up on opiates, but that just made the rest of him hurt all the more.

The door to Jason's room clicked open, but Roy paid no head to it until a familiar voice gasped his name.  
'Roy?'  
Lifting his head, Roy blinked through tears to see Dick stood frozen by the open door, eyes darting from Roy to Jason in shock.  
'D-Dick? What are you- why are you here?'  
'I-I- the hospital called me. I'm your contact from rehab, you never updated. I came as soon as I could. Your bed was empty. I thought, but then I was told you were in here and'  
Swallowing, Dick just blinked when a couple of security guards and a nurse dashed in and immediately took hold of him.  
Roy watched, dumbfounded before leaping to action with a cry of alarm.  
'Woah! Hey, hey it's okay! I know this man he's-'  
'Little Wing?' Dick muttered, and the guards immediately released him.  
'You know this man, Sir?' The nurse questioned, motioning towards Jason.  
Nodding Dick moved to Jason's bedside as if in a trance, his hand brushing a lock of hair from Jason's face.  
'Yes, Nurse. He's my- we grew up together.'  
Roy understood why the Wayne's had to hide Jason's existence, but seeing Dick do it despite the emotional meltdown he was having was both inspiring and heartbreaking.  
The nurse nodded, clearly a little confused before making her leave.  
'The doctor shall be around to speak to you both shortly. My apologies for the security, Mr Grayson.'  
'I understand. Thank you, Nurse.' Dick replied, turning to offer her the Dickie Grayson smile, but Roy could see the pain and shock in his eyes. 

There was a long tense silence when the nurse left. Dick just staring at Jason.  
'The hospital said you've been in an RTI? What happened Roy?'  
Swallowing, Roy wiped away his tears and joined Dick in his vigil.  
'There- our safe house was compromised. I needed to keep him safe. I knew he was tired but he wouldn't listen. He was scared of having a nightmare in the car so he insisted on driving. He fell asleep, we were going fast. I can't remember how fast.'  
Closing his eyes, Roy shook his head, trying to get the screech of tires on ice out of his head.  
'I hardly call this keeping him safe, Roy! You should of made him give you the keys!' Dick spat angrily, bending down to kiss Jason's exposed cheek with a sob.  
Roy didn't have an answer.  
He felt guilty enough as it was, now, Dick just made him feel ten times worse and a little voice in his head demanded more painkillers.  
'I-I know. I'm gonna sort it out. I'm waiting for the doc to tell me what's going on with Jay and then I'm discharging. I can't help from a stupid bed.'

Roy hoped that this would ease Dick's fears, but his expression went from concerned to horror.  
'Are you high? You shouldn't even be in here, it's a medical marvel that you're even out of bed. You are not self-discharging Roy Harper! I will section you before that happens, I know they had psych assess you. You are staying here until a doctor says otherwise!'  
Growling, Roy made to get up but fire erupted along his abdomen, so he gave up and settled for just glaring at his ex-best friend instead.  
'You can't control me like that, Dick. Yeah, the shrinks saw me and y'know what? I'm fine, all the lights are on upstairs so fuck you very much. Jason's hurt, I gotta pick up Lian. My family needs me!'  
Dick walked around the bed and crouched down in front of his friend, blue eyes tearful and swimming with a maelstrom of emotion.  
'You've had major surgery Roy! Think rationally about this, you need rest.'

Roy blinked and shook his head dumbly. His mind providing snippets of various medical persons saying the word surgery, but he couldn't piece them together to form a story.  
'N-no I haven't?'  
Dick reached out and squeezed his hand before moving to the ties of his hospital gown.  
Roy half wondered where his clothes had gone?  
Only now realising that he was sat in a wheelchair in a hospital gown, the pink blanket from his bed tucked over his knees to keep his dignity. No wonder Dick thought him an invalid.  
The fabric fell away and Roy gaped at the large dressing on his upper abdomen.  
'You've had surgery Roy. The crash? You were badly hurt. The trauma ruptured your spleen, they had to take it out. You almost died, Roy do you understand that?'  
Lifting a shaky hand, Roy ran his fingers lightly over the dressing, feeling the staples underneath. The fear that had been lurking in the background suddenly became very real and overwhelming. Fear that something as bad as surgery had happened and he hadn't realised. Fear for Jason, for Lian, the future, all of it swirled into a hurricane inside his head.

There was a warmth and a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders, grounding and familiar.  
'Hush, it's okay Roy. I'm here yeah?' Dick soothed, pressing his lips against Roy's hair. 'I'm here. I'll pick Lian up. She can stay with me and I'll bring her to see you everyday, I promise. When has she got to be picked up?'  
Roy didn't trust Dick's promises, but he did trust that he'd look after Lian if he said he would. Dick would never lie about that.  
'T-tomorrow.Tuesday, 6pm.' Roy mumbled, and he felt Dick inhale sharply and pull away.  
'Tuesday? That's today, Roy. It's just coming up to 11am.'  
'It-It was M-Monday, 3 am?' Roy mumbled the last time he remembered.Tears dropped onto his cheeks again and Roy cradled his aching head before completely breaking down.

 

'Hey, Roy come on, stop crying, please?'  
Shaking his head Roy just sobbed harder.  
'I can't stay. Th-they give me, m-morphine. I can't be ill, n-not again. But they won't listen. Jay and L-Lian need me. They won't listen. G-Gonna get ill.'  
Dick nodded slowly, moving to wipe Roy's tears away with his thumb.  
'I'll make them listen, Roy. Please, let me help.'  
Roy sniffed and looked back up at Jason thoughtfully, watching as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. He honestly couldn't see any other choice available to him right now.  
Nodding, Roy ignored the stupid grin Dick was giving him, and went back to holding Jason's hand.  
Dick at least registered that Roy wasn't in a chatty mood. Instead, he pulled up a plastic chair next to his friend, his hand reaching out to hold Roy's.  
Dick wasn't his friend, he was here for his brother yet despite himself, Roy squeezed his hand back.

The door clicked open again.  
Roy, yet again, ignored the sound, but Dick's head snapped up to see a petite doctor, brown curly hair drawn up into a tight bun, file in hand.  
'Mr Harper, Mr Grayson, my names Dr Lewisham. I've been looking after, heh, Mr Harper.'  
'Jay.' Roy replied, eyes not leaving Jason, he lifted his Jaybird's hand up to his lips again. 'His name's Jay.'  
Dr Lewisham smiled and looked over at Dick who just nodded along, his thumb rubbing along Roy's other hand soothingly.  
'What's going on Doctor? Why hasn't my friend been told anything about his partner's condition? Clearly you can see how upset he is?'  
Roy turned and gaped at Dick.  
Sure, he knew Dick could kick ass but he hadn't called Roy his friend for years and never, ever, called Jason his partner.  
Dr Lewisham nodded, her gaze shifting to Roy she motioned to an empty chair.  
'May I?'  
'Sure, lets all sit down and have a pow wow.'  
'Roy stop it.' Dick chided, pulling the chair closer to them for the doctor to sit down. 'Apologies. Roy gets a little snappy when he's distressed.'  
'Distressed.' Roy parroted bitterly, but no one paid him any notice. Dr Lewisham just smiled again and opened her file.

Scans had shown swelling on Jason's brain and although he had had surgery to relieve the pressure, it was still uncertain what damage had been sustained. If Jason ever woke up in the first place.  
Roy looked back at Jason tearfully, another TBI? Surly his Jaybird had been through enough all ready.  
'We'll be withdrawing the sedatives tomorrow. It will be up to Jay if this is successful.'  
'Or if he dies.'  
'Roy stop it.' Dick snapped, and Roy went back to watching Jason blankly.  
'The damage doctor? What can we expect?' Dick pressed, tears welling behind his eyes.  
Dr Lewisham looked a little conflicted before drawing a diagram of the brain and drawing a circle at the back of it.  
'This is the occipital lobe, the damage is localised to this area thankfully. Now, as the name suggests this area mainly controls the visual pathway. I would expect that if there has been damage sustained, it will be Jay's vision that is effected.'  
'Ifs and maybes. My br- Jay may still be okay? Wake up okay?' Dick asked, hope dripping off his every word and Roy rolled his eyes. Good old Grayson, ever the optimist.  
'I wish I could tell you more Mr Grayson I really do. All I can advice, is to sit tight and take each day as it comes.'  
With that Dr Lewisham made her farewells and Dick followed her to the door, throwing a concerned look at Roy over his shoulder, who was just staring at Jason silently.

'Doctor?' Dick called after her, shutting the door to Jason's room behind him.  
Dr Lewisham stopped and smiled.  
'Yes, Mr Grayson? Is there anything else I can help you with?'  
'I um, I dunno who's looking after my friend, Roy Harper, but I'm concerned about his treatment? He's told me he's being given morphine? I don't know if his doctor knows, but he's a recovering addict. Heroin was one of the substances he took. He's terrified he's going to get hooked and to be honest? So am I? Jay's his partner and they have a little girl at home.'  
Dick hadn't meant to go off on a ramble but he couldn't see Roy go down that road again, not ever again.  
Dr Lewisham nodded, her brow furrowed in thought before she tapped the young man's hand sympathetically.  
'Of course. If you'll follow me? I shall see if I can bleep Roy's doctor.'

The lunch lady came around while Dick was gone and gave Roy a sandwich and a cup of coffee. The rather plump woman who looked like she was everyone's grandma, glanced at Jason before smiling at Roy.  
'You must be the two lovebirds everyone's talking about! Chin up sweetheart, he'll pull through. If he loves you as much as you love him? He'll crawl outta hell to be with you.'  
Snorting, Roy shook his head and took a sip of coffee.  
'You have no idea.'  
Glancing up, he frowned when the elderly woman sat down in Dicks empty chair, brushing the creases from her apron.  
'I'm sure I don't, sweetheart, now eat up.'  
There was something about the woman that reminded him of Alfred, so he decided not to chance it and took a tentative bite out of his cheese and ham sandwich.

'They say he might be blind, Jason, my partner. I'm Roy.'  
He wasn't sure why he said that to the woman, but expressing his deepest fear made the news easier to digest. Taking another bite his eyes flicked over the machines for the millionth time.  
'Hmm, you're gonna have to get better then aren't you sweetheart? He's gonna need you to show him how to see again. I'm Marianne by the way.'  
'Heh heh, Marianne is a character in a book, Jay likes.'  
'Sense and Sensibility.'  
Nodding, Roy took another bite from his sandwich, trying to work out what the woman meant by her words but coming up with nothing.  
'What do you mean by helping him see again? If he's blind, he's blind? That's it.'  
Marianne smiled and patted his knee with a grandmother's smile, one that was kind but so very wise.  
'That's what I thought, when my husband lost his sight to diabetes 5 years ago. Well, I best be off before the boss catches me.'  
Roy watched the woman leave, offering her a small wave.  
Looking back down at his empty plate and cup, Roy decided she was in fact Alfred's female doppelgänger.

'Oh you've had lunch? Awesome, was wondering when feeding time at the zoo was!'  
Dick appeared back in the room with a lighter step than when he left.  
'What's got you all chirpy?'  
Grinning, Dick practically skipped over to his friend and plopped down in the chair. Roy grumbled under his breath when Dick took hold of his hand again.  
'I talked to your doctor Roy. They're not going to give you anymore opiates okay? Just antibiotics and some paracetamol.'  
Roy blinked, how had Dick managed that? Before he could question him further, two nursing assistants appeared by the door and Roy felt a pang of betrayal.

'No!'  
Shaking his head furiously he tried to pull away from Dick, crying out in agony when the movement pulled at his wound.  
'Roy? Roy stop it! Calm down!' Dick practically yelled, catching Roy's eye and holding him there. 'Stop it Roy.'  
'I can't go back. Can't leave Jay.'  
'Roy come on. I have to go pick Lian up. She can't see Jay like this, it's not fair on her. Please, go rest for a bit and I promise as soon as I pick Lian up, I'll bring her here. The nurse said she'll even sway visiting times so you can see her.'  
Roy's eyes went back to Jason, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks again.  
'But Jay-'  
'Roy you will be no good to either Jay or Lian from the morgue. You know Jay would want you to get better.'  
He couldn't argue that one, Jason would be hopping mad to know that Roy had had surgery and wasn't resting up in bed. The asshole would probably have tied him down to it, ethics be damned.  
Nodding, Roy reached over for Jason's hand and kissed it softly.  
'You behave, ya hear me Jaybird? I love you.'  
Dick held back his own tears and reached down to squeeze Jason's hand himself.  
'You better do as he says, Little Wing. See ya tomorrow okay?'

Roy allowed Dick to wheel him back through to his own bed. He got a couple of quizzical looks from his neighbours but he ignored them.  
He was grateful that instead of hanging around, Dick saved him from the embarrassment of having to be helped into bed with an audience, and instead made excuses and left. Promising to return with Lian.  
The promise circled around Roy's mind as once again he found himself drifting into a light doze.  
Roy woke a couple of hours later to what he could only guess was some sort of pie with mashed potato and veg, with a rather edible looking cake for pudding. The ghost of Marianne haunted him and just like when Alfred gave him food, he really didn't want to find out what happened if he didn't eat it.  
It actually wasn't too bad but to his dismay, without drugs masking the pain, his abdomen was too sore to even try to eat the cake. Grumbling to himself, Roy decided to hold a self pity party and lay back against the pillows. Tears prickled the corners of his eyes. He hated being alone like this, even sitting with an unconscious Jason was a step up from this.

'Daddy!'  
The ecstatic shriek caught his attention and before he could even open his eyes, a small ball of pink and black launched itself on top of him.  
Roy couldn't stop the pained cry which left his lips and Lian snapped backwards. Sitting on Roy's legs, big brown eyes watched him anxiously.  
'Daddy?'  
'Lian!'  
Dick appeared by the bedside, wrapping his arms around the 5 year old and settling her on the edge of her father's bed.  
'Daddy's poorly remember? We've got to be gentle!'  
Nodding, Lian looked back at Roy and patted his cheek softly.  
'Sorry Daddy.'  
'It's okay Princess. I'm okay, just a bit sore. Like when you fell outta that tree and bust your arm.'  
Roy soothed, swallowing a wince he sat up and kissed Lian's forehead.  
'Did you fall out a tree Daddy? Your arm's busted too?' Lian questioned, small fingers stroking over his plastered forearm.

Chuckling Roy shook his head, twirling a lock of dark hair around his finger.  
'Sort of, Princess. Daddy and Jay-Jay were in the car on our way to our new home and, sweetie we had an accident.'  
Lian's eyes widened '  
A crash?'  
Turning she shot a betrayed look at Dick that was the clone of her father's.  
'Jay-Jay too!'  
Dick nodded slowly and sat down in the chair by the bed, taking Lian's hand in his own.  
'Lian, honey, that's why you're going to stay with me for a while. Daddy and Jay-Jay need to stay in hospital to get better.'  
Lian chewed her lip thoughtfully before nodding slowly.  
'Where Jay-Jay?'  
Lifting her head, she looked around at the other patients and nurses until Roy took her other hand with watery eyes.  
'Lian, I'm so sorry. Jay-Jay is sleeping right now.'  
'Can I see him when he wakes up? I promise to be gentle Daddy. Please?'  
Shaking his head, Roy bit his lip, his voice braking as he spoke.  
'The doctors don't know when he'll wake up, Pumpkin.'  
'No.'  
Lian's bottom lip wobbled as she looked between the two solemn adults.  
'That's sad, no! Jay-Jay has to wake up. No! No Daddy!'  
'I'm so sorry, Lian, I'm so sorry!' 

Dick shuffled awkwardly in his seat. Watching father and daughter sob into each other's arms, seeking comfort from each other, knowing it was his brother that they grieving for. Wiping at his own tears, Dick smiled when Lian shuffled down off the bed, claiming a stuffed pink rabbit she clambered back up again.  
'Daddy? Give this to Jay-Jay?'  
'But that's your bunny, Princess?'  
Nodding, Lian placed it next to her dad with a very determined expression.  
'I knows. Jay-Jay needs bunny love more than me. I has Uncle Dick.'  
Roy nodded, and stroked one of the bunny's fluffy ears.  
'Okay. I'll make sure he gets it.'  
As if suddenly reminded of his ex-best friend's presence, Roy looked up and gave Dick a small smile.  
'Thank you.'  
'No problem, Buddy. How you feeling?'

'Sore. Very sore.' Roy replied, far too pleased about this than the average person. 'Lian staying at yours?'  
'Well, erm, about that? I kinda hoped that you'd let me stay at yours and Jay's place? I do still have my apartment in New York but I thought Lian would be more comfortable at your place, with her own things?'  
Smirking, Roy nodded and quirked an eyebrow.  
'Sure, but change the sheets after. I ain't sleeping in your stink.'  
'Pfft, you love my stink Roy and don't you forget it!'  
'Oh I remember your stink just fine, Grayson, I still have nightmares about it.'  
Dick's mouth drew downwards, eyelashes fluttering in a way which made Lian giggle and tap her Dad softly on the chest.  
'Don't be mean to Uncle Dick, Daddy!'

Chuckling, Roy glanced back over at Dick and for a moment it felt like they were kids again, before addiction and all the rest of the bullshit drove them apart.  
Dick seemed a little uncomfortable for a moment, before reaching for a duffle bag down by his feet.  
'I um, I went to claim your car and got your things out of it. I-I hope I haven't overstepped but I picked out some bits that you might need? I can't imagine that gown's overly fun to wear? I packed Jay a bag too, for when he gets better.'  
'If'  
'When.'  
Dick and Lian shot back unanimously and Roy sighed and shook his head. He might as well join the optimism parade willingly or be dragged into it by the gruesome twosome.

'Ollie, did you tell him?'  
'Uncle Dick says you were poorly. Grandpa just nodded and went inside.' Lian replied, clearly confused as to why her grandparent was so nonchalant to hearing that Roy was sick.  
Placing a hand on Lian's head, Dick pursed his lips and levelled Roy with a very long, hard look.  
'I didn't tell him, it's not my place but Roy, you should. Stuff like this can't be hidden forever just ask Tim!'  
Looking away, Dick steeled himself before focusing on the pink bunny by Roy's head.  
'I've got to tell Bruce, he-'  
'No!'  
'Roy, I can't just keep B in the dark about this? Sure, he won't even notice the money for the medical bills going missing but Roy? What if Jay does wake up brain damaged? What if he doesn't wake up at all? Bruce lost him once before, please.'  
Placing his hands over Lian's ears, Roy levelled Dick with the same heavy glare.  
'I know that, don't you think I know that? Just think about it for two minutes Grayson. You keep telling me Jay is gonna wake up. If Jay wakes up and the first thing he sees is Bruce? The shit will hit the fan. We can't risk exposing Jason!'  
Dick sat in silence for a few long moments, only looking up when Lian yawned and snuggled into her dad's chest.  
'We can discuss this tomorrow. I think someone needs to go to bed.'

Roy hugged Lian closer to him, pressing his lips against her hair, he fought the urge to yell at Dick and demand that she stayed here. That wasn't going to help anyone.  
'Go on Pumpkin. I'll see you tomorrow okay?'  
'No' Lian whined, little hands coiling around Roy's hospital gown. 'No Daddy. Want to stay with you.'  
'I know Lian, I know. Daddy's gotta get better for you okay? I'll come home real soon I promise.' Roy replied softly, lifting her chin to wipe away the tears in the corners of her eyes.  
'And Jay-Jay?'  
Roy lifted his eyes to meet Dick's gaze and nodded with a small smile.  
'Yeah and Jay-Jay. Now you go with Uncle Dick yeah? You're in charge of making sure he doesn't set fire to our kitchen.'  
Lian nodded and turned to level Dick with a very serious look.  
'Yes Daddy.'  
Picking Lian up, Dick ruffled her hair and gave Roy a wink.  
'We'll see how many Lucky Charms boxes we can get through before Daddy and Jay-Jay come home and make us eat fruit!'  
Lian giggled and Roy shook his head, dread already seeping in at the mere thought of the amount of sugar his daughter was going to ingest during his absence.  
One more kiss and a final wave later, Lian and Dick were gone and Roy was alone again.  
He hated being alone.

Pulling his blankets up to his neck, Roy lay back against the pillows and tried not to cry, tried not to let his mind wander to how alone he was, to Lian, the crash, Jason.  
A hand rested on his shoulder and Roy looked over to see the patient from he neighbouring bed smiling at him. The man looked well over 70.  
'Was she your daughter?'  
Nodding, Roy shot him a wary look, before deducing that the man was just being oddly nice.  
'M-My bag?' Roy asked, feeling his cheeks burn at having to ask an elderly man to bend down and fetch his bag for him.  
The patient nodded and reached down to collect the duffle bag Dick had brought in.  
Unzipping the side pocket, Roy smiled when he saw his wallet and opened it to pull out a crumpled, well loved photograph.  
It was of Jason and Lian at the park, laughing into the camera with ice cream on their noses.  
'Her name's Lian.' Roy offered, showing his neighbour the photograph.  
The man took it with shaky hands and smiled.  
'She's very beautiful. Is it your wife who's in a bad way?'  
Shaking his head, Roy pointed out Jason being a goofball with a half smile.  
'No, my partner, Jay.'  
The man studied the picture for a moment before smiling and handing it back to Roy.  
'You're a very lucky young man.'  
'Roy'  
Roy offered his name with a shy smile, and the man nodded before patting his shoulder again.  
'Eric. Don't worry son. You're not alone. You need anything you tell us okay?'

 

Looking around, Roy swallowed when all the other patients in his bay, who were much closer in age to Eric than himself, offered him smiles, nods and little waves. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of it all.  
'Thank you?'  
Laughing, Eric gave him a wink before shuffling back to his own bed.  
'We were all worried about you, Son. I'm glad you're more yourself now. We'll keep you straight, just you wait and see.'  
Roy frowned at this, but the look Eric gave him told him all.  
He was talking about the pain. He was promising to help keep him off the painkillers.  
Tears welled in his eyes yet again and Roy smiled.  
'Thank you.' He whispered, but Eric just waved him off.  
'Go to sleep, Son. You need your rest to keep up with that family of yours.'  
Nodding, Roy shuffled down beneath the blankets, careful of aggravating his injuries. Taking the picture he had shown Eric, he balanced it between against a jug of water on his cabinet. 

Roy wasn't alone, not really.  
This time when he slipped into darkness he went looking at the picture of Jason and Lian at the park, smiling and happy with ice cream on their noses.  
As he fell asleep, Roy promised them that they would all go to park again.  
'Soon Jaybird, just you wait, you'll see.'


	3. Chapter 3

Roy was up and sat in a wheelchair dressed in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants by the time Dick showed up to take him to see Jason.   
If he were honest with himself he felt like crap, his throat still ached from what he could only assume was a breathing tube he'd had at some point, sweat beaded on his forehead from the pain from his everything. He'd taken to coughing with a pillow pressed up against his abdomen to try and ease it a little. He got up and dressed regardless of how his body screamed at him to stop, he got up and forced himself to eat breakfast because he knew there was no going home if he didn't, even if the smell made his stomach lurch.  
This was nothing compared to going cold turkey, every time his pain worsened he'd remind himself of that. He'd kicked addictions arse and he was going to get through this too.

'Still haven't got with the program about the whole major surgery thing?' Dick teased as he strolled over to Roy with an amused half smile.  
'Kid's got stamina. He's been wearing the poor nurses out. Determined to get home he is.' Eric filled in with a smirk, before closing his eyes again.  
Dick blinked over at the man before quirking an eyebrow at Roy.  
'Have we made a friend?'  
'I think so? That or the mafia have found me and any moment now armed dudes will charge in and this place goes to hell.' Roy scoffed, looking over at Eric fondly.  
'I quite like the idea of being a Don.' Eric offered, groggily.  
Dick raised an eyebrow and settled down in the chair.  
'Yeah, let's not joke about that hmm?' He smiled when Roy chuckled before grimacing and clutching the stomach with a groan. 'You hurting?'  
Roy tried his best not to take a deep breath and lifted his head to grin.  
'Oh, I'm more concerned about the nurse's obsession with my bowel movements. He had a chart Dick! A God damn chart! Not only did he keep asking me if I'd gone, he then wanted me to pick out a picture of it!'  
Freckles disappeared behind Roy's blush, and Dick couldn't help but laugh and pat Roy's knee in mock sympathy.  
'Ah, so have you've had a bowel movement this morning then?'  
'Oh my God, Grayson! What the fuck?' Roy wailed, burying his head in his hands in utter embarrassment, the tips of his ears now a fluorescent pink.   
'I wanna get outta this prison already.'

Pursing his lips, Dick patted his knee again and stood up to claim the handles of the wheelchair and kicked the breaks off.  
'Uh huh, this isn't a prison, Roy, this is a hospital. They're here to help you get better.' Dick sing songed, the words very well rehearsed after hauling Roy through rehab and trying to keep Jason in Arkham for longer than 2 seconds. To be fair Arkham was technically a mix of the two but he had managed to make Jason stay put for over a year, so he counted that as a win.  
'Sure as hell feels like a prison. I haven't had a smoke since forever!' Roy complained, as his friend began pushing him down the corridor.   
Dick just rolled his eyes and moved to ruffle Roy's freshly brushed hair.  
'Well, I'm pretty sure your lungs won't be complaining.'  
A nurse couldn't hide the giggle that left her lips as she past and Roy folded his arms in a sulk.  
'Where's Lian?' Roy asked after a few moments, and Dick slowed his pace and patted his shoulder reassuringly.   
'She's with Tim. Don't look at me like that. I haven't told him. He just thinks you two are out on a job and I suck at planning my life around kids.'

That couldn't be farther from the truth. Despite not having kids of his own, Dick was more than a capable of reorganising his life to accommodate Lian at a moments notice. Yesterday being a prime example of how organised Dick actually is underneath his chaotic mess.  
Roy leant back and studied his friends face as they continued along the corridor to Jason's room.  
Dick looked like he hadn't got a wink of sleep, shadows encircled blood shot eyes and he could see the foundation maintaining a golden complexion that was probably waxy in reality.  
'Did Lian sleep alright?'  
Nodding, Dick smiled as if he didn't know that he'd been busted and patted Roy's shoulder again.  
'Like a charm. She's a good kid, I didn't hear a peep until 6 am.'  
'Jason's gonna be okay Dickiebird.'  
Squeezing Roy's shoulder, he halted outside Jason room and took a deep steadying breath.  
'Yeah, I know Roy. It's okay, it's going to be okay. Jason will wake up just fine.'

It wasn't like the movies. People don't just wake up like they do in the movies.  
Roy and Dick watched silently as the doctor and nurses started reducing the medication keeping Jason asleep and removed the ventilator.   
There was a heavy silence for a moment.  
All eyes focused on the young man's still chest before it finally rose and fell again in a steady rhythm.  
Roy squeezed his eyes shut and thanked whoever was watching over Jason that he was breathing on his own. He didn't miss how Dick was clenching his hand so tightly he was pretty sure it would break if the man gripped it any tighter.  
A nurse shinned a torch in Jason's eyes and the doctor pricked his finger with a small needle. Jason didn't react to the pain and remained sleeping soundly.  
It was never like it was in the movies.

So here the two old friends were, sat watching Jason sleep like they had yesterday, waiting for Jason to wake up.  
Knowing him though, he'd milk it out of spite. Make them wait and worry themselves sick before finally regaining consciousness only to bitch about how horrible they were.  
Dick wouldn't sit still. Numerous times Roy had to bark at him to sit back down because the man just could not keep his hands to himself, and just had to fiddle with absolutely everything in the damn room. It was worse than Jason on a bad day and Roy couldn't believe he forgot that Dick was the token ADHD kid. All of a sudden concerns as to what exactly him and Lian had been getting up to.m popped up.  
'Richard, sit your ass down before I get the nurse to stab it with Ritalin!' Roy snapped before hissing and clutching his abdomen. Apparently getting annoyed hurts.  
'You okay Roy? You want to go back? Rest for a bit? I'll let you know if there's any change. I promise.' Dick whispered, as if worried about waking his brother.  
Roy shook his head, grimacing slightly when his body protested that decision. He didn't trust Dick's promises. 

Dick didn't protest and instead just rolled his eyes at the typical martyrdom his friend always displayed and went back to scanning the room. This time he made sure to stay in his seat.  
The last 24 hours running through his mind. Roy was devastated that Jason was in ICU, pretty normal but something about his friend's distress was a little off.  
Sucking in a sharp breath, Dick looked around Jason's room again, that was it. That's what had felt wrong as soon as he'd stepped inside.  
His brother had had his ventilator removed and the sedating drugs stopped. Closing his eyes, he replayed that entire tense moment again. Making sure to pay attention to the environment not his brother or Roy.   
'There's no crash cart.' Dick muttered, open his eyes to see Roy looking a little confused.  
'What?'  
'There was no crash cart.' Dick repeated, anger boiling in his belly as the words sunk in. 'Where was the crash cart, Roy? You know as well as I that until Jason breathed on his own the chances of cardiac arrest were high. Wait here, I'm going to go get the doctor. I'm going to fix this'  
Without waiting for Roy's response, Dick stood up again, but a hand clutching his wrist forced him to stop. Frowning, Dick turned to see Roy looking up at him with wet eyes.  
'No. No, it's okay.' Roy croaked, looking away when his friend shook his head.  
'No it's not! What the hell Roy? Jason could have died!'  
'Exactly.' Roy breathed, wiping his eyes, he glanced up at Dick who looked like he needed a crash cart. 'Jaybird he- he has an Advance Directive, Dick. They- they didn't bring a crash cart because' cutting himself off, Roy winced and he clutched his side. 'Because Jason has refused to be resuscitated.'

He waited for Dick's response but got nothing, sighing he looked up to see tears streaming down his friend's face.  
'You can't fix everything, Richard.'  
Swallowing, Dick shook his head violently and turned to look at Jason, stumbling over he grabbed hold of his little brother's hand, tapping it in desperation.  
'No! No you're lying! Jay, Jason? Wake up and tell him to stop lying. You wouldn't give up fighting I know you wouldn't. He wouldn't-'  
'Richard, stop it!' Roy snapped, looking up at Jason's heart monitor, his chin began to wobble. 'He's been dragged back to life once already. Think about it, not from your point of view but from Jason's. There's not only his resurrection but the time he spent on life support after that. Just think of Jason for a moment. I know you love him, but this isn't about you. Jason just wants to be left alone to die in peace. How can we deny him that?'  
Dick was silent for a moment, tears plopping down onto the crisp white bed linen and Roy felt like the worst human being in the world.  
'Y-you need to be sound of mind to make an Advance Directive, Jason-'  
'Had the mental capacity to express his wishes on the subject. He was assessed by Dr Leland and deemed capable of making the decision.' Roy explained slowly, watching his friend's every single move.  
'Dr Leland? He-'  
'He put it in place whilst in Arkham yes, Dick.'  
Frowning, Dick shook his head, clutching his brother's hand, he fought to find something, anything to make what he was being told untrue.  
'He'd need a witness to counter sign a refusal of life saving treatment. Who?'  
Swallowing, Roy folded his hands into his lap before looking up at Jason mournfully.  
'Alfred. I'm sorry, Dick.'

He expected Dick to shout and scream at him, demand for the order to be torn up, argue the point until he was blue in the face. Dick had a very rigid moral code, much like Bruce did, it was rigid without grey areas. Choosing to refuse CPR, Roy knew would not sit comfortably with Dick's morals, his steadfast belief to keep fighting, against the odds, no matter what.  
Instead though, Dick sunk to his knees, sobbing heartily into his little brother's still lap, shakily repeating 'Little Wing' on a loop.  
'I'm sorry, Dick.' Roy said again quietly, watching his friend fall apart and quite frankly having no way to make it better. It was what it was. Jason didn't want to be resuscitated and judging by Dick's reaction he at least understood that.  
'In Arkham? Why- why didn't I know? Does B know?' Dick finally spoke coherently, tilting his face slightly from where it was buried in Jason's lap.  
Sighing, Roy massaged his temples and gave Dick a very hard, solemn look.  
'How many times is Bruce even in the same state as Jason, huh? Jay didn't want you guys to know. He told me- he told me that he didn't want to hurt the family any more. So he decided to just keep it on a need to know basis. Alfred was prepared to broach the subject if the time came. He promised never to lay hands on Jason if he went into cardiac arrest under his care, as have I and Kori on the field.'

Dick looked hurt, more than hurt, betrayed. Sniffling, he lifted his head off his brother and stroked Jason's cheek gently, crooning softly to him as if he were just a sleeping child.  
'You stupid, stupid asshole, Jason. Are you listening?' Leaning forwards he placed a kiss onto Jason's still lips, sobbing again as he straightened back up to look at him.  
'I have fought so hard to make sure your wishes are heard. Why would I stop at the end of your life Little Wing? I have always fought for you, you little shit.'  
Roy's eyes widened in surprise. Maybe he had been wrong?  
'I'll always fight for you, Little Wing.'  
Dick didn't see Jason's decision as giving up, not fighting.   
Dick knew that sometimes Jason's needs and wishes went unheard in the name of his best interests.  
Dick saw making sure his brother was heard as his fight, not keeping him alive.  
Sighing, Dick ran a hand down his face and cast one final look over at his brother, before standing up again.  
' I'm going to go grab a coffee, want one?'  
Nodding, Roy glanced up at his friend and offered his a weak half smile.  
'Thank you.'  
'It's just a coffee, Roy. I'll be right back.'   
'No. For understanding.' Roy mumbled but Dick didn't hear him. He just waved cheerily before closing the door behind him.  
It was all a lie.  
Dick was hanging by a thread just as much as he was.

Minutes past and Roy watched Jason sleep. Watched how his chest rose and fell without that weird suction clicky noise coming from the ventilator. Tears welled in his eyes when Roy reached for his hand, but in all honesty they were becoming a permanent fixture ever since the crash.  
'Morning Jaybird. I missed you last night. Not used to sleeping on me own no more. Heh, can't believe it's me saying I've gotten used to having someone but, erm, I guess you get that. Dick's here. He's looking after Lian, so don't you worry about that.'  
Squeezing the limp hand, Roy blinked away the tears, his heart ached, everything ached.   
The hand moved.  
Jason's hand moved, fingers shifting to clumsily return the squeeze. Gasping, Roy's eyes shot to Jason's face, his eyes were moving beneath his eyelids, his face twitching a little.  
'Jaybird? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.' Roy asked shakily, convinced that it was just a muscle spasm or something.  
Jason did it again, he squeezed Roy's hand. He did. He felt it.  
'Dick! DICK!' Roy bellowed at the top of his lungs. He wasn't overly sure where his friend was but his brother was responding and he had no idea to do.  
As if he'd just been stood by the door, Dick came tumbling through, his shirt covered in spilt coffee from where he had ran down the corridor.  
'Roy? What's wrong?'  
'H-He squeezed my hand, Jaybird squeezed my hand. I asked him to do it again and he did. He did Dick!' Roy gasped through his tears, grinning like someone who'd just won the lottery.

Dick almost dropped the coffee.  
'What? Are you sure it wasn't a reflex?'   
Dick set the coffees down on the windowsill and dashed over to Jason's bedside.  
'Yeah. Yeah. You try!' Roy beamed, letting go of Jason's hand so Dick could claim it.  
'Jay? Jay, it's Dick? Can you squeeze my hand?' Dick asked cautiously, eyes scanning his brother desperately for a signs of responding, there was nothing. He shook his head at Roy sadly.  
Jason's fingers twitched, before squeezing his brother's hand lightly.  
Dick burst out laughing, flopping over his brother's still form in floods of tears.  
'Little Wing! Don't you pull that crap with me! That wasn't funny!'  
Despite themselves, the friends could see the mischievous smirk on Jason's face, even if his features remained deathly still in reality.  
Grinning over at Roy, Dick pressed the call button and informed the nurse what had happened. In minutes Jason's doctor was there, shining the torch in his eyes and pricking Jason's finger which he flinched away from.  
'He's gonna do it, Dickiebird.' Roy whispered in wonder, reaching out to hold Dick's hand, which was vibrating with excitable energy.

'Uh huh. Come on, let's go have some lunch yeah? Then you can have that smoke your hankering for.' Dick suggested with a reassuring squeeze. He didn't need Roy to speak to know what his response will be. Shaking his head, he knelt down and patted Roy's thigh playfully.  
'Jay's waking up Roy. You can either sit here all day and be sore, hungry and nicotine deprived, or we can go replenish and come back ready to deal with the drama Jason will no doubt cause when he wakes.'  
Wincing a little, Roy nodded and motioned for Dick to help him closer to the bed again. Taking Jason's hand, he pressed those familiar calloused fingers to his lips, smiling when they twitched at the feeling.  
'Ah cut it out Jaybird. It's me, Harper, not your brother. Ima gonna go eat okay? Just thought I'd let ya know? Thought you'd be pleased to know that Dick is making sure I looks after meself.'  
The fingers twitched again, and Roy.  
'Yeah, I know we both suck but together we almost make a functioning person, Little Wing.' Dick spoke up, reaching over to pat his knee which jerked in response.  
'No touchy for Dickie sure, but Roy can? Typical. Alright, I'll bring Harper back fed and watered okay Little Wing? See you soon.'

To be honest, sharing lunch with Dick was kind of fun. Roy went back to his bed and ate there while Dick reappeared with yet more coffee, his own meal, and doughnuts for the entire bay, including the staff.  
Munching on his own one, Roy rolled his eyes at Dick sweet talking the nurse at the nurses station. So that was why visiting hours didn't seem to apply to Dick Grayson, he'd given the staff the Wayne treatment. Money, treats and a dashing smile, finished off with a flirtatious wink. Even Jason knew that trick. Roy had tried to copy once but Jason just asked if he was having a stroke.  
Sitting back against his pillows, Roy felt his eyes grow heavy, it really had been a busy morning.  
'Go t'sleep, Son. I gotcha. Don't think your pal over there is going anywhere soon. Y'need to be well for ya beau.' Eric soothed from where he was sat in his own chair, reaching out a trembling hand to pat Roy's, as a father would do to a son fighting bedtime. 'That's it Son. Close them eyes.'

The next think Roy knew, he was waking up groggily to see Dick passed out next to him in a chair, drool pooling down the side of the headrest. Frowning, he groaned slightly and sat up to try and work out what time it was.  
'Oy. Calm down, Son. Ain't been asleep long, just a little over an hour. Your friend wasn't long after you. Your beau is his brother ain't he? Only a brother worries himself sick like that. Heh, you young lads.'   
Blinking in shock, Roy looked over at Eric, who was still sat in his chair, and nodded slowly. He wasn't sure why he was being truthful but lying to Eric seemed to be an unwise thing to do.  
'You're good lads. Oh, here we are see? Welcome to the land of the living, Richard.'  
Dick startled awake with a very undignified snort and sat bolt upright to look between Roy and Eric in confusion.  
'Awake! 'm awake! Sorry.' Rubbing a hand through his sleep ruffled hair, Dixk smiled up at his friend sheepishly. 'You wanna smoke before we head back to Jay?'  
Nodding, Roy swallowed down a chuckle, knowing the action would only hurt and began the slow shuffle out of bed. At least he was more ambulant than he was yesterday and only needed Dick to steady him occasionally. 

The weather was brisk when they made it outside, gasping Roy shivered and glanced up at Dick, who handed him his smoking paraphernalia.  
'Fuck me, it's colder than Jesus' balls out here!'  
'Language Roy! Can tell you've been around my brother.' Dick grumbled, not able to hide the slight scowl when Roy lit up.  
Taking a deep drag, Roy sighed in relief to finally get his fix and blew the smoke out slowly, savouring every blessed minute.  
Glancing down at his hospital wristband he fiddled with it thoughtfully, letting out a very hollow laugh.  
'Now this is a spell of de ja vu alright.'  
'Huh? Why?' Dick asked, zipping his jacket further up, he looked back over at the entrance as if it were the Holy Grail.  
Watching the action, Roy smirked and placed the cigarette on to his lips again and inhaled.  
'I got a hospital band on, I look like shit, and am sat outside smoking being watched by someone who really would rather be inside.' Blowing out a couple of rings, Roy shook his head with a small chuckle. 'Don't tell me this don't bring back memories.'  
'Woah, back up there! We ain't going down that road Roy y'hear me? Just smoke your cancer stick, yeah?'  
Nodding, Roy finished his cigarette quickly and quietly, Dick never did like talking about his addiction and recovery, no matter how much he was desperate to.  
'Okay. I'm done. We can go now.'

Something was wrong.  
Anxiety was knotting in his stomach before the elevator even dinged on his floor.  
'You're okay Roy. We'll go see Jay. Everything is fine.'  
Sighing, Roy rolled his eyes and tried to make himself believe it when the elevator finally opened.  
Everything was not fine.  
A familiar yell echoed down the halls and Roy's heart leapt into his throat.  
'Jaybird!'  
Gritting his teeth, Roy hauled himself out of the wheelchair and started stumbling towards Jason's room.   
'Woah! Roy! Roy, sit your butt back down in this chair. Now Roy, that's an order!' Dick yelled after him, charging after his friend, he grabbed hold of Roy's arm. 'Roy I gave you an order!'  
'You're not my leader anymore, Dick!' Roy spat, crying out in pain when he tried to pull away. 'Jaybird's awake! Let me go!'  
'Yeah I know Jaybird's awake. I'm pretty sure the entire hospital knows Jaybird's awake. Get in this chair, Speedy!'  
Freezing on the spot, Roy would have spun around if his body let him, instead he glared at Dick over his shoulder.  
'You didn't!'  
'Oh I did!'  
'In public Dick!'  
Raising an eyebrow, Dick pointed down at wheelchair.  
'Sit, now. Otherwise, I'm calling Oliver.'  
'You wouldn't -'  
Digging out his phone, Dick waved it in front of him just to clarify how deadly serious he was.  
Sighing in defeat, Roy sat back down in the wheelchair.  
'Dirty! That is just playing damn dirty, Dick.' He grumbled as they headed off in the direction of Jason's room.  
'I think we should work together again some time, Roy. You've clearly forgotten how low and dirty I can play.' Dick shot back with a wink, chuckling at the scowl he received in response.

'ROOOOY!'   
Jason's voice bellowed as Dick opened the door and Roy inhaled sharply. Despite his injuries, Jason was riving blindly around the bed, kicking and clawing upwards desperately. Nurses were trying hard to subdue him but he was too terrified to acknowledge them. IV lines left a bloody trail from where they had been ripped out.  
'ROOOY!'  
Roy didn't need calling thrice. He knew exactly where Jason thought he was and this was child's play for him. He had done this so many times he could do it in his sleep, had done it in his sleep.  
Ignoring Dick's protests, Roy hauled himself up again and stumbled over to the bed.  
'I'm here Jaybird. I'm digging you out.' Roy called out to his frightened partner, biting back a pained groan he crawled up into Jason's bed. Again, ignoring Dick's yelling and the nurses gasping.  
Shushing Jason softly, he grabbed hold of flailing hands and held them tightly, calling out his Jaybird's name over and over again.  
'I'm here. I got you. Harper's got you, Jaybird.'  
Lying down next to his partner, Roy reached out to stroke his face when Jason stilled before breaking down into hitched sobs.  
'Hush. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here Jaybird. Can you open your eyes for me? Then you'll see. I'm here.'  
Jason nodded clumsily and slowly opened his eyes.

Teal eyes blinked a couple of times and Jason frowned, looking past Roy's shoulder at the door behind him.  
'See? It's okay.' Roy soothed, relief soaring through him to see those eyes again, that the pupils were reacting, he was looking around.   
'Roy?' Jason muttered, eyes darting around fearfully. 'It's dark. I- where are you? It hurts.'  
Letting out a pained groan, Jason curled in on himself slightly, frightened and confused out of his mind. 'I'm dead. Am I dead?'  
In just a single moment, Roy's world shattered around him. He just sat, tears streaming down his face as Jason rocked and sobbed, looking in his direction but never directly at him.  
'J-Jaybird? Can you see me? I'm right here. I'm next to you?'  
In a vague, irrational hope, Roy cupped Jason's cheeks in his hands and turned his head, forced him to look at him. Teal eyes blinked back, and for a brief moment he hoped until Jason gave a high pitched whine and looked around again.  
'N-no? It's dark and it hurts. I'm dead.' Jason replied, reaching out he grabbed hold of Roy's arms. 'Where's Dickie?'  
Dick.  
Yes.  
Dick would know what to do.  
Gasping, Roy looked back towards the doorway to see only an abandoned wheelchair.  
Dick had gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Disassociation was something Dick thought only Jason experienced. A mad person. Not him.   
That was until he witnessed Jason's terror waking up. Until it was painfully clear that no amount of optimism could change reality. Until it was clear that his little brother had lost his sight.  
Gasping for breath, Dick had no memory of how he got to wherever he currently was. He hoped he hadn't driven.   
There were no boundaries, like the edges of himself bled into the unfocused world around him.   
Gasping another lungful of air, Dick ran a hand down his face, it was wet, was he crying? Was he him? Who was he?  
Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and tried to remember the coping strategies he ran through with Jason when he got like this. Normally he'd wrap his little brother up tightly in a blanket to ground him, to provide a boundary. He didn't have a blanket. What did Dick do when Jason was outside and didn't have a blanket?  
With trembling hands he hugged himself, rubbing his hands up and down his arms vigorously. Remembering doing this to Jason, pulling him tightly into his chest and rubbing his up and down Jason's body; to try and bring about a sense of self.  
It worked. Painfully slowly, Dick felt heavy, that he weighed something. He felt the hard ground beneath his feet, smell the stale air of the stairwell he was in. He could feel the firm hardness of wood against his back.

Dick's sense of self didn't last long, suddenly his grounding was stripped away in one fell swoop and he was careering backwards. Landing on a plush surface that smelt like lavender.  
'Dick?'  
Blinking, Dick stared at the open door. He had been leaning against a door, that's what the wood was. He looked down at the clean cream carpet that smelt like lavender. Lavender. Jason hoovered with some weird sprinkle on stuff that smelt like lavender.  
'Dick! Dick are you alright?'  
Tim's concerned face loomed into his view, warm hands touched his face, wiping away tears.  
'Tim? You're here?'  
'Um yeah? You asked me to watch Lian, remember? Where have you been? What's happened?'  
Dick's eyes widened and he sat up to look around the sparse, yet nicely decorated hallway. His gaze fell to the pair of boots and a dog eared paper back on the coat stand, the little pink coat and shoes next to them, and he lost it again. Tears tore threw him, tearing open his chest to force out horrendous sobs he barely recognised. Forcing him to double over into himself. He couldn't focus to hear Tim's frantic voice next to him, to feel the hands gripping him tightly.

'Uncle Dick?'  
A small, quiet voice did cut through. Gasping, Dick wiped futilely at his tears and forced a smile for the little girl hovering in the doorway in Dora the Explorer pyjamas.  
'Uncle Dick? Is you okay? Has Jayjay wokens up from his big sleep yet?'  
Nodding, Dick forced down his despair, feeling it burn and tear at his chest in a bid to get out.  
'Y-Yes.' He replied, his voice so hoarse it might as well have been a whisper.  
Liam's face broke into a huge smile and she immediately dashed towards her coat and shoes. Tugging on her coat, upside down, she started to stuff her feet into her little shoes in excitement.  
'We goes see him? I have my coat and my shoes?'  
Dick couldn't find the words to reply. How could he? How could he find the words to explain that her Jayjay wouldn't be able to see her, not ever again? How could anyone tell a child that!  
'Uncle Dick? I have my coat and my shoes? You takes me now? To see Daddy and Jayjay?'

Nodding briskly, Tim suddenly animated, taking hold of Lian's hand he gently guided her back into the living room.  
'Maybe not today. If Jayjay has been asleep, he will be grumpy.'  
Lian plodded after her uncle and nodded thoughtfully, holding her arms out so Tim could remove her coat.  
'Oh! I didn't think of that. Jayjay is very grumpy after a big sleeps. Daddy says it's his tablets.'  
Nodding, Tim forced a smile at her innocent explanation and motioned towards the bathroom.  
'That's right. Now, go wash up ready for bed. You don't want to be tired and grumpy when Jayjay sees you!'  
Giggling, Lian nodded and skipped off towards the bathroom.   
'Silly Uncle Tim. I don't has sleepy tablets!'  
'No, and yet I still see a grumpy face in the morning!' Tim shot back with a chuckle of his own, just in time for Lian to close the door on him. 

A soft sobbing caught his attention and Tim turned back towards the hallway. Kicking his brother's feet out of the way, he shut the front door.   
'Start talking Richard! What the hell has been going on? Big sleep? You had me think Jason and Roy were working!' Tim demanded, shocked that it had taken this long for Lian to out her caregivers, but then, he hadn't actually asked her.  
Dick nodded and uncurled slightly, blinking up at his brother with eyelashes laced heavily with tears.  
'I've been at the h-hospital. Th-they've been in a car crash. Roy lost his spleen and-and Jay!' Falling into frantic sobs again, Dick shook his head when Tim reached out to hug him. 'Little Wing! He hit his head, real bad. They kept him under to try to treat the damage but-'  
'No!' Backing up, Tim shook his head, tears of his own plopping onto his cheeks. 'No, don't say it! Don't you dare say it! He can't be dead? You told Lian he woke up?'  
Dick sobbed harder and shook his head.  
'He's blind Tim! Jason's blind.'

Tim fell into autopilot. He guided Dick to the couch and made him a hot chocolate. He collected Lian from the bathroom and put her to bed. He even read her a book and sang the bedtime song. All the while his mind was racing a million miles a minute. Thoughts linking before becoming disjointed. Synapses firing off all over the shop. Jason and Roy had been in a car accident. They had almost died. Roy was now spleenless like him. Jason had lost more than a pointless organ. His big brother, his Robin, had lost his sight. In his opinion, death would have been a blessing. How could Jason be the Red Hood without his eyes? Shuddering, Tim closed Lian's bedroom door, and padded back through to the living room to see Dick still sat on the couch, still in the exact same position he was left in. Hot chocolate untouched.  
'D?' Tim called out softly, approaching his brother like you would a baby dear. 'D, it's going to be okay, yeah? I'll call the Titans and tell them I'm off duty for the foreseeable. Then I'll call Bruce and let him-'  
'No.' Dick replied in hushed tones, tears now a constant presence. 'Not Bruce. He can't know.'  
'Don't be ridiculous! Think about this Dick? We can't deal with this on our own. What's more? Like it or not he is Jason's dad, he has a right to know, to be there for him?'  
'No.'  
Sighing, Tim fought the urge to facepalm and knelt down in front of his delusional brother.  
'Dick, Bruce will find out. We both know that. Jason will know that. Come on, do you really think he will miss Jay walking into walls with sunglasses and a stick?'

Blue eyes flashed in anger and Dick bristled, glaring down at Tim he almost snarled.  
'This isn't some God damn joke! Is this funny to you? Jason's life is over! He just got back on his feet, was building a normal, happy life and now it's over! Bruce can't know. Think about it Tim? He will descend on that hospital full of well meaning words, taking control and throwing money around like confetti. Jason would have the best of everything. Doctors, counsellors, equipment, you name it, he'd have it. But, is that what Jason needs right now?'  
Averting his gaze to the rug on the floor, Tim nodded slowly.  
'No. Jason would hate that.'  
'Exactly.'  
Wincing, Tim blushed slightly as he looked back up at Dick, tears of his own welling once more.  
'I'll tell the Titan's I got the flu. Need to take time out to recuperate, it's believable as I don't - without- a spleen. You -'  
'That sounds like a great idea.' Dick smiled, despite his own agony, coming out of his shell to comfort his little brother.   
Nodding, Tim wiped his eyes on the back of his hands and looked out of the window sadly.  
'Who was driving?'  
'Jay. They were running from the authorities. Little Wing hadn't slept but insisted on driving. He fell asleep at the wheel. It was a few days ago now. They are both lucky to get out alive.'  
'Lucky!' Tim scoffed, wiping at his eyes again he climbed up to his feet and held out his hand. 'Come on, lets go to bed. I dunno about you but I need a lie down.'  
Nodding, Dick silently followed Tim into Roy and Jason's bedroom.

Dick didn't come out again.  
Tim dutifully got up just after six the following morning to see to Lian. With his niece dressed and fed he left her watching cartoons to try and cajole his brother into participating in life. It was but a fanciful idea.   
Dick was buried beneath the blankets, one of Jason's shirts clutched to his chest like a newborn. He barely spoke to Tim. He just gazed blankly at the opposite wall. The ever present tears in his eyes.  
'Uncle Dick is poorly sick.' Lian explained knowingly from her parents bedroom door. Big eyes scanning the adult tucked up in bed at noon. Taking Tim's hand, she tugged him out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. 'It's okay Uncle Tim. Peoples gets sick. Daddy and Jayjay get sick sometimes. We gots make him nice things to eat and be gentle.'  
Nodding, Tim smiled and complied with Lian's request to make Dick nice things to eat, while she slipped off to do 'something' with paper, pens and a whole ton of glitter. Tim couldn't help but wonder how exactly Lian had managed to smuggle that much glitter under Jason's nose. He doubted his brother would willingly allow such messy, colourful, sparkly dust into his living space. 

Looking up, Tim winced at the glittering rainbow covering the clean carpet, knowing that no amount of hoovering would successfully get rid of it. At least Jason wouldn't be able to see the damage when he came home?  
Disgusted at his own dark sense of humour, Tim shoved a strawberry milkshake onto the tray and sauntered back towards the bedroom.  
'Uncle Tim! Waaaaaait!' Lian screeched, bounding up she produced a picture that was more glitter than paper. Five podgy, smiling faces greeted Tim and he arched an appreciative eyebrow.  
'That you and Uncle Dick and me. That daddy and Jayjay coming home.'  
Nodding, Tim swallowed down a knot of tears when his eyes fell to Jason and Roy's smiling faces and he decided there and then that he couldn't do this. Dick was refusing to get up. His other brother and his partner had been seriously hurt in an accident, he'd only found out about twelve hours ago. He couldn't stay a moment longer cooped up in this apartment.  
Bending down he let Lian place the picture on the tray before nodding towards the door.  
'Coat and shoes. We're going out.'

For three days, Tim distracted himself and Lian by spending what was probably the majority of his trust fund at attractions and stores in New York. Dick had sunk into a near catatonic state which for Tim was very unnerving to see. Even in his sleep, his brother twitched and nattered away, brimming with boundless energy. He didn't even try to ask his brother about returning to the hospital. Instead, he kept Lian so busy she never asked to go visit Jason and Roy. Too tired in the evening to even think of asking for a goodnight kiss from her parents. He supposed it was understandable. Jason and Roy were vigilantes. Lian was used to spending extended periods of time with trusted friends and family while Red Hood and Arsenal saved the world.  
That was how Tim found himself stuck in the Children's Museum of Manhattan. There was an exhibition about Dora the Explorer and to be quite frank, there was only so many times Tim could go to the aquarium before he wanted to drown himself in the tanks.

Lian had a whale of a time exploring caves and beaches, saving endangered animals with Diego, Dora's friend, Tim was quite the expert after these last few days. Now he was sat on a rather uncomfortable chair, watching Lian pretend to cook Latin American foods for a 'big fiesta.' God, if he had to hear Dora say 'big fiesta' in that happy voice one more time, he was going to snap. His eyes fell to Lian giggling away as she shoved random plastic food in pots and pans. Chuckling, he watched her play, amused that although the theme was meant to be Latin American, Tim doubted that sweetcorn, ice cream and strawberries was an authentic dish.  
'My Jayjay cooks a big fiesta!' Lian exclaimed excitedly to a little boy who had had the bad luck to stand next her. 'He lets me helps sometimes. We cooks lots and lots of foods. All of the world's foods. Daddy just shakes his head and laughs.'  
Tim's heart plummeted to his belly. Jason loved cooking.

They arrived back at the apartment just in time for Tim to order in dinner. Dick was still yet to utter a word to him, but Lian frowned and looked over at the disused kitchen.  
'Can't we cooks Uncle Tim? When is Daddy and Jayjay coming home? Jayjay always cooks my dinner.'  
That was when Tim realised what he'd been doing. Dick was lying in bed obviously burying his head in the sand but he was doing the exact same thing. His brother was hurt and all he had been doing was throwing himself into keeping Lian's mind off the situation, but had it really been her he was distracting or himself? Dick was in no state to take the little girl to see her parents but what about him? He hadn't even thought about going to the hospital to find out what was going on from a more reliable source than a traumatised Dick.  
'Um, I don't know Lian. Shall we go see Daddy and Jayjay tomorrow and see how they're doing?'  
Squealing with excitement, Lian flung her arms around her uncle, before declaring that she could put up with pizza for one more night.   
Tim just stood in silence for a moment, suddenly feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. The urge to call Bruce, anyone, for help was insurmountable. He couldn't look after a child and Dick and Jason and Roy all by himself. Tim could barely look after himself as it was.


End file.
